Tuesday, December 29, 2015

#30DaysWritingChallenge Day 8: Something I struggled with

It's not easy to write this cos apparently I am always struggling with something in my life, so much I didn't realise this year is about to end soon. No kidding, it creeps me out, too!

But to be honest, the thing I wish to be different is my mind that can't stop thinking about things I shouldn't think about. It's not like I don't wanna think about nothing at all but I do want to live with a peace(r) mind, please?

If you wanna ask what have I thought about... it is just random things. Sometimes about my schedules, some other times about work, or about friends, relationships, family.. or even trivial matters like, how messy my desk is and I should tidy it up already, or what is happening in my room cos so many ants recently? Sometimes it's just random song, played rightaway in my mind.

Okay just now I thought about some doofus trying to lighten up the evening with fireworks, it was so freaking loud I got distracted. Oh, for your information, I have problems with focus and concentration, which means.... uhh, just do your math.

Where was I? *lol typical*

Famous wording said, "If we are depressed, we are living in the past. If we are anxious, we are living in the future. If we are at peace, we are living in the present."

Really? What the damn hell? I want to live in the present, too! But living in the future should be cool la, but in my case it's not cool at all :S

My mind keeps thinking, I even dream during a short nap. I gotta tell you, it is tiring. It's like you haven't sleep in a very long period of time. If you can sleep easily, praise (your) God and be thankful... be VERY thankful you donate a kidney right now!

Some of people said I think and worry too much and even lack of faith (!?!?) and trust me, I wanted to be like normal people, too. Trust me, I tried not to think about things!

But that is before my brain thought that I probably was made for 'this job': Thinking.

I mean, not everybody like to think, right?

I learned that brain and heart is connected. It is supposed to be connected. You think therefore you feel, you feel so you can think about what's next.

It is not a talent, but it is gifted anyway. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe I can be the brain for those who doesn't like to think? Okay that sounds a bit tiring! I TOOK MY WORDS BACK!

But seriously, what we think a weakness for us, or downside, or whatnot can be a strength when you know how to deal with it. (This is one of the epiphany I got from thinking)

I still hate my trouble sleeping and the thinking everytime I randomly awake from my poor sleep, but I enjoy every single time I can help people with my smart ass brain. So #ThankYouGod, as always.

This year is about to end soon but I'm still in day 8? WEAK, I know! :(

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